Is your friendship garden healthy?
In some of my previous posts, I have written about weeding the garden. This involves insuring that you make time in your life for those who make time for you, rather than wasting it on those who no longer find you beneficial. For so many years I clung to relationships that sapped my life energy simply because I felt needed. Somehow, I let their constant desire for attention without reciprocation become a validation for my own existence. It was only when I discovered true friendship in its best form that I realized I was on the wrong path.
To some, weeding the garden may sound harsh. There are those that believe that we need to be there for everyone, at every moment, any time they need us. While we have an obligation to support each other as a part of this human race, I don’t believe that part of the that responsibility includes negating the care we deserve for our own well being in the process. In fact it can be detrimental as it robs us of the opportunity to spend time with those who truly want to be part of our lives in equal measure.
Breaking that habit and bond is difficult. We don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings. We feel like we are all they have and if we leave they will have no one. In reality, our being the crutch could well be the very thing that keeps them from being able to establish their own healthy relationships. Their dependence on us and our willingness to be there at the drop of a hat, gives them no cause to learn what a truly mutual beneficial relationship is like.
This is a harder concept to understand in our early years while we are trying to find our way and establish our friend base. However, as we get older and life gets more complex and busy with our own responsibilities, we soon learn that it is hard enough to make time for our meaningful relationships. Robbing those that want an equal friendship with us by spending our time on those that don’t ultimately serves no purpose.
The older we get, the more life becomes about balance and ensuring that we are doing things that energize us and nurture our soul. Having a sound friend base is an important part of that. We know in our hearts who those people are that belong in our lives. If we don’t, all we have to do is look for their true colors and they will show us themselves.
Mornings with Ron is available as a podcast at anchor.fm/morningswithron or on iHeartRadio, Apple or Google Podcast, Spotify or most podcast sites.