Anyone who has ever dealt with a patient with Alzheimer’s or Dementia will understand the title of this post immediately. One of the hardest things we are faced with is when our visits to our loved ones result in our becoming less and less known to them. Who we are to them begins to change until you finally reach the point where the identity as we know it no longer exists.

When my grandmother first went into the nursing home, everything was fine in terms of her knowing who I was. On my first visits she thought she was in the hospital and they were checking her out because she had been sick. Other than her wanting to get out and go home, our discussions and conversations would be as they always had. However, as the visits went on little things began to change. I started to become other people to her and as I mentioned in a previous post, quickly learned to just “play along”.

The first time I arrived for a visit and she thought I was her brother it was a bit unnerving to say the least. However, when I went back and looked at pictures of him I understood why. Brother morphed into son where she began to think I was my Uncle, which still made sense as our younger pictures look very much alike. I soon understood that depending on the visit, her brain was in a different place in time and whomever she was seeing me as fit in that place where she was. It was easier to take because there were visits where she actually still knew me and would call me out by name. It was when that stopped that it became more difficult.

As I previously shared with you, I was the first grandchild and lived in the same city as my grandmother, so we spent an amazing amount of time together growing up. As my identity started to decrease with her, I dreaded the day when I would go and visit and my identity would be completely gone, at least on the outside. Unfortunately, that day came and it was one of the difficult parts of dealing with her Dementia that I experienced. The unfortunate thing for some Alzheimer’s and Dementia patients is that is the point where family decides that there is no reason to even visit any more because they don’t know you are there anyway, which obviously is a mistake. However, that was not our family.

When I would visit, although she may not have known me, all I had to do was look deep into her eyes and I knew somewhere inside I was still there. She may not have been able to verbally acknowledge my identity, but the heart never forgets and I believed that to be the case. We visited her continuously and was with her the morning she passed. Up until that last moment we were at peace because we knew we had done well.

Part of the reason for this story is not only to help those dealing with similar situations, but to remind you to love and hold those that you still have with you. Have you called your mom, dad, grandparent or family member lately? Have you told them you love them or hugged them recently? If not, do it. Take every opportunity to make the best of those fleeting moments while your identity is known and robust. Once it is gone you won’t have that opportunity again. Be the one with no regret because you took the opportunity to be there when you could.

Have a great weekend and remember to be the reason someone smiles.

Ron

Because we have some blog followers that are not connected to our Facebook page (facebook.com/bringsmilestoseniors), I wanted to provide you an update on our recent “Smiling 50” Campaign.

A couple months ago we set out to deliver cards to at least one senior community in all 50 states. We were already delivering to 14 states, so we had 36 states to go.  On June 19th, we successfully completed this campaign when we delivered the last box of cards to Wyoming. In the process we delivered to 38 senior communities in 36 states for a total of 2,828 cards.

Along with this campaign we kicked off our postage fundraiser. Postage is the number one expense in our program and in the first half of 2018 we spent $4,600 on postage alone. Donations and occasional fundraisers are our only source of financial support. We set a goal to raise $2,000 to help us cover postage through the second half of the year and wound up raising a little over $2,500.

We are working on our next campaign as we continue our march across America. We continue to show the power of people coming together for a common purpose. Because of everyone involved in the Bring Smiles to Seniors program, seniors continue to smile – 44,710 times since we began the program in March 2016.

Thank you to all who make this possible and for going on this amazing journey with us.

Bring Smiles Volunteers – Ron, Linda, Renee, Diane, Liane and Becky

bringsmilestoseeniors.com       facebook.com/bringsmilestoseniors                               PO Box 226 Odessa, FL 33556

Sometimes it is later in life when you truly understand the sacrifices that your parents made so that you could have a better life. The selflessness that my parents showed so that we did not have to go without is something that I think about all the time.

Growing up both my mom and dad worked to ensure that the family was taken care of. We didn’t have a lot of money, but they managed to make sure that we had a roof over our heads and food in our stomachs.  As kids, we didn’t think that this was anything out of the ordinary and was something that was just supposed to happen. As we got older and started to have to take care of ourselves, it became apparent that it was so much more than what we knew.

My mom never bought new clothes for herself and made her own clothes so that my brother and I could have new clothes for school. I think it was after we graduated school that she finally started buying store bought clothes. At Christmas time mom and dad went out of their way to make sure that at least some of the things that we had asked for wound up under the tree.  They often did without so that we had the money we needed to do the things that we wanted to do in school.

One instance that stands out for me to this day from early on in my childhood was a day that my mom and I were in the store and they had come out with refrigerated rolled cookies for the first time.  I had taken one out of the cooler shelf and put it into our shopping cart without my mom noticing.  As we went through the store she finally spotted it and told me to put it back as there were necessities that we needed more.  I am not sure if it was her desire for me to have it or the hurt look on my face but before the shopping trip was over, she went back and took it off the counter and said we were getting it. She went without something that she needed so that I could have that cookie dough and I remember it like it was yesterday.

Over the years I have never forgotten those moments and that is why today I go out of my way to do for my parents for all the years that they did for me. We have to appreciate the sacrifices that our parents made for us.  Ensuring children are taken care of is sort of an unspoken oath they take when they make the decision to have children. Finding a balance in meeting a child’s needs while teaching them a level of responsibility by not giving them everything they want is an art that we could use just a little more of today.  Realizing they did without so that we could have and being thankful for it makes us better people. It instills the compassion in us that we will need when the time comes when it is important that they are remembered and not forgotten.

Have a great day and remember to be the reason someone smiles.

Ron

This weekend when I was home for Father’s Day, as I usually do I stopped by the cemetery to pay respects to Grandma Lola. There is something calming about having one on one time there, even though the person isn’t in front of you. This visit and a prompting from my friend Kim last week reminded me of something that I wanted to share.

As my mother well knows, one of the hardest things in dealing with people who have dementia is when you come to the point where their reality is no longer the reality that we all experience. They tell you things they did the night before that were not even possible and they see and experience things that we don’t see. In dealing with this, our first nature is to correct them and tell them they are wrong because we aren’t seeing the same things they are. Breaking this habit is so difficult to do because we want so bad for them to see our reality. This is neither healthy for the person or the caregiver nor all of those that come into contact with the patient.

With time, we learned to just accept what Grandma was saying. If she said she was at work or out shopping the night before, when we knew she had never left the nursing home, we just played along with her.  We asked her things like what she bought or how work went. She would often have responses that correlated to what she had experienced in her mind. Agreeing with her made her comfortable in sharing. Attempting to correct her made her agitated and upset. Playing along was by no means an easy task to learn, but one so important for the well being of both patient and caregiver.

There is no book for dealing with dementia.  There are help references that attempt to guide you along the way. However, each person is unique and different. Dealing with them in a way that makes both people comfortable is something that is learned over time. Equally important is the fact that although they may just sit in silence and not acknowledge your speaking to them, they hear you. They know everything that you are saying. Unfortunately, that means side conversations you are having with each other are being heard as well. So, talking about them in their presence because you are assuming they don’t understand you is definitely a misconception.

As most people, my family had zero training in caring for a patient with dementia and we had to learn as we go. It can be an arduous and painful process, but rewarding in the sense that you are left with a feeling of having done your best with no regrets when the caring time has come to an end.  If you are dealing with a family member or friend with dementia or Alzheimers, I am sure you can relate. As difficult as it seems at times, remember that although they may not seem present, they are listening.

Have a great day and remember to be the reason someone smiles today.

Ron

Well – I was attempting to set up my post for tomorrow morning a little early and wound up accidentally publishing it. So, enjoy Monday morning’s post on Sunday this week :-).

Ron

It has been a little over two years since I started the Bring Smiles to Seniors program and during that time I have had the pleasure of encountering some of the most passionate and compassionate people on the planet. People who believed in us and took a chance on a small non-profit that they read about, but did not really know. These were people that believed in our cause and decided to jump in full force to help us ensure that seniors continue to smile.

One of my favorite times of the day is when I go out for lunch and make my post office run to mail prepared cards to our senior communities. In doing so, I get to pick up the days mail and sometimes those days are just like Christmas for us. Often the mail box is empty, but on some days there are so many packages that we have to actually see the desk clerk to obtain them. Then comes the joy of opening each and every one and getting to view first hand the treasures that are inside.

Over the past two years we have received the most beautiful cards that I have ever seen. Imaginative, creative, detailed. Some are made from scratch, others have been repurposed into something brand new. Then there are those that are simply folded pieces of paper with artwork and messages from children that turn them into something magical.

Whether we receive one card or hundreds, every one is equally important and every one eventually results in a smiling senior on the other end. We are fortunate to have a group of repeat donors that are the lifeblood of our program. These amazing ladies will send boxes of cards containing 200+ cards at a time…all hand created…all amazingly beautiful. You only need to look at our Instagram or Facebook pages to see their talent on display. Then of course there are those amazing ladies that decorate for us!

There is something magical about taking care of seniors in hopes that they will be remembered and not forgotten. It brings out passion and compassion in people that is unmeasurable. Sometimes it is because of an experience in our own lives. Sometimes it is because that is the nature of the person. Maybe it is because we all know that God willing we are all going to make it to that stage of life one day. Whatever, the reason the magic is palpable, beautiful and a wonder to behold.

The one thing I never assume is that tomorrow is guaranteed. That is why it is incredibly important to me to make the most of every minute of every day. It is also why I share the passion and compassion that you all have for what we do. If you haven’t quite found that one thing that drives passion and compassion in your life, seek it out. It does’t have to be our program, although we would be thrilled if it were, but make it something that nurtures your soul and gives you one more reason to get up in the morning and smile

Have a great day and remember to be the reason someone smiles.

Ron

Image compliments of Pixabay

As we go through our lives people are constantly coming in and out. We meet people that we never see again. We meet people that we don’t see for a long time but somehow they find their way back into our lives. We also meet people that come into our lives and in one way or another stay there for ever.

I am very fortunate and count my blessings every day that I have a very close group of friends that have been my friends for 20 years or more. That’s pretty rare that a group of people could stay together so long and I let them know how much I appreciate them in every way that I can. I have reconnected friends that were acquaintances for at least that long that share a part of life’s history. I have new friends that seem like they have been a major part of my life forever. We can never take friends for granted as they are only on loan to us for this lifetime and we have to make every minute count.

I tell Linda (our program manager) all the time that people don’t come into our lives by chance, they come into our lives because they were meant to be there. However, when we make those important life connections, some people feel like it is the quantity that counts and not the quality. They have so many “friends” that there just isn’t time to devote any decent amount of attention to any one group. However, my philosophy regarding nurturing and taking care of these life connections, is that the old saying the “more the merrier” doesn’t work. I have seen people stretched so thin that getting any time on the books with them takes months, which in the end makes it hardly worth the effort. At the same time, there are those that you may not see for years that when you do meet up again, it seems as if time has never passed and you pick up right where you left off. Those are the true friends meant to be in our lives.

Perhaps it’s time to make a reconnection with those people that have come into your life, with whom you may have fallen out of touch. Maybe there are people in your life that you just need to show how important they really are to you. There could even be those that you just want to reach out to today and say hello. Do it! Make the time. We only get one life to enjoy those with whom we have been bestowed the blessing of a life connection. Growing those friendships is a two way street with responsibility on both sides. Nurturing is an important part of growing and it is only with that effort that friendships become true life connections.

Have a great day and remember to be the reason someone smiles.

Ron

How many times do we look forward to an event or even just go through our day and almost miss it? Miss it because we are so busy thinking about tomorrow, next week, next month or even next year. We are so worried about what is to come that we fail to enjoy what is right in front of us.

We spent this weekend with friends, where I really made a conscious effort to be in and enjoy the moment. The conversation, laughter, sharing and pure enjoyment of being with them. I didn’t write. I didn’t think about work. I didn’t even think about what was coming up for the next week. For that weekend I was just living in the moment and it was magical.

Life is sometimes hard with all the responsibility we have. The things we can control often make it hard, while the things we have absolutely no control over often makes it even more difficult. We spend so much time planning and executing that moments slip by us that we don’t have an opportunity to regain. If we take the time to enjoy them, it is those unexpected moments that arise that become moments that create those memories that last a lifetime.

I often hear others (and myself) say they can’t believe how fast time is going by. Here we are in June with 2018 almost half way over. If I look back over the last six months, I can point to events that happened that I sailed through with out taking the time to just stop and be. Events where I was so focused on what was going to happen that I failed to enjoy what was happening. Because of that I made a conscious effort to be more present in the moment. The reward of doing that is wonderful.

When you take the time to live in the moment you learn new things about yourself and others that may have previously been words flying by. You see things that you have never seen before. You gain new understandings about people and situations because you take the time to evaluate. You build better friendships and relationships with new foundations from which you can build.

If I think back on what I did this weekend, I can remember every conversation and activity in detail. Two days seemed like a week vacation because I took the time to be present and enjoy. As you go throughout your day today, look for those same opportunities. Be present in the moment. Live life one moment at a time as it was meant to be. That doesn’t mean you can’t plan for the future. What it does mean is that you won’t miss opportunities that arise that can make your life even more special, because you choose to live in the moment.

Have a great day and remember to be the reason someone smiles.

Ron

Throughout my whole life goals have been a very important part of how I operate. Without goal setting it is very hard to create a path to success. While they can be simple and not overly complex, they are an important part of growing. Setting goals and not achieving them provides you with new information to realign and reset your goals to achievable levels. Setting goals and achieving them helps build the self confidence you need to create even stronger goals that help guide you through life.

Goals are also an important part of my work and definitely a part of the Bring Smiles to Seniors Program. Our first year in operation we delivered 7,719 cards. In 2017 that number grew to 18,810. In 2018 we set a goal to break 20,000 and here at the end of May we are over 14,000. In our logo the tag line is “one smile, one card at a time”. While we have a big number to hit, we do it one card at a time and thereby celebrating our successes along the way to go bigger and better than we ever have before. Liane, who runs our special mailing program, always says that goals are made to be broken. It is that kind of attitude and will power that all our volunteers possess that drive us to exceed even our own expectations.

In line with goal setting, we are announcing a new campaign today called “Smiling 50”. During the course of this program we have provided cards to senior communities in 15 different states and continue to deliver to 11 continuously. Our goal now is to deliver to at least one senior community in all 50 states. We kicked the campaign off yesterday with cards sent to non-profit senior communities in Alabama and Alaska. We will continue through the alphabet until we get to Wyoming. Our success depends on a lot. We need to receive enough cards to be able to meet our current delivery obligations and this expansion. We need enough connections to get the cards decorated so they can be prepped for delivery. Finally, we need to continue to collect the rare donations that we receive to cover our postage costs, which are the main expense in our program. Because we don’t set goals we can’t achieve, we believe all of this is possible, but also the reason I am not setting a time frame for it to happen. However, knowing the power of what we do, I suspect this will happen much sooner than we think and we will celebrate success one state at a time. We will create a section on our webpage at bringsmilestoseniors.com to track our progress.

As you look at your own lives, examine the things that you want to accomplish. Pick just one thing, set an achievable goal and avoid setting yourself up for failure before you even begin. When you have mastered that goal, or even exceeded it, move on to the next one. Most importantly, celebrate your successes along the way. Celebrating is an important ingredient to building the self confidence you need to create future success. We will be rooting for you and look forward to hearing about your endeavors.

Have a great weekend, see you on Monday and remember to be the reason someone smiles today.

Ron

Good thing my mom and aunt read my posts.  They gave me a couple corrections to the cake recipe I posted yesterday.  I have now made the corrections so if you have shared the recipe, please re-share it with the update.  The most important update is that there are three cups of flour not two…and oh yeah, you have to add the eggs!