We are at a unique time in our lives where the world feels different than it ever has in the past. There is a weight around us that often feels oppressive, consuming and sometimes down right unmanageable. Every day we wake up to the same thing, or sometimes even worse, and continue to question whether or not things will ever change. As we sit back and watch it all go by, the one thing that we often fail to realize is that watching doesn’t help, while doing is often the key.
The power to feel, act and even the way we let others affect us, lies totally within us. We sometimes choose to allow ourselves to wallow in the mire that is around us, which often engulfs us in the negativity that comes with it. That is human nature and often the most common path. Or, we choose to take control, make a difference, rise above the fray, and be the light that the world so desperately needs.
When things seem to be a mess, it is easy to become part of the mess. Sometimes without even realizing it, we become a piece of the problem by enabling those that are creating the problem to continue doing what they do. We become the fuel that they need to keep their negativity going. We fail to realize that we have the ability to enable change, when we make the choice to be the outsider and to stand out for that which is good, decent and necessary to make the world a better place.
It is only human and natural to have and voice opinions, feelings and observations about the world around us. It is when we fall into the trap of others attempting to sway us to their side, often against the core of who we are, where things start to deteriorate. When we are not living our truth, making the navigation of our life path the best it can be and serving as an example for what the world could be, we are not only doing ourselves a disservice, but all those around us as well.
We owe it to ourselves to live our own lives in a way that is right for us. However, decency, honor, respect, compassion and love are all part of the foundation of who we should be. When we make those values part of our every day lives, the contagion that they possess are truly the things that begin to change the world.
As we were growing up as children, most of our life was all about us. Seeing that our needs were met, that we were educated, that we stayed healthy, and preparing us for the life that was ahead of us. As we age and get our own families and careers, life starts to become less about us and more about we. We then take on causes, added responsibilities, hobbies and extra curricular activities. The minutes in our day start to fill up to the point that suddenly there is no time to be with ourselves and focus on the needs that we have as individuals.
This doesn’t seem to be a problem in our earlier years, but as we move into our fifties and beyond, we often find ourselves spending so much time taking care of everyone else, that there is little time to do the emotional and mental work that is necessary to take care of ourselves. Without that nurturing and attention, we often fail to develop the strength and resolve necessary to ensure that we stay on stable ground, while we lend our help and support to seeing that others needs are met.
There are some who would consider focusing on ourselves selfish. We are supposed to help other people navigate their life path. We are expected to assist those that are in need. We are required to help those that are less fortunate than ourselves. In doing “what is right”, we often lack the time, energy and stamina to focus on taking care of ourselves and our own well being. Avoiding what others consider selfish, is simply an opportunity for failure when we are trying to make our lives the best that they can be.
The reality is that there is time in our day, week and month to focus on ourselves, if we are willing to claim it as our own. Fifteen minutes that doesn’t belong to anyone else, can be just the catalyst to adding additional time that can be used to nourish our own souls. Focusing on a passion, hobby, desire or even silence for a period of time, that no one else can claim, makes us less resentful when we have to give our time to others who may be in need.
Our ability to care for others, lies in our ability to care for ourselves. When have the mental and physical strength to ensure that our needs are met, only then can we muster up additional strength to ensure the well being of others. So, the answer to the question of whether or not there is time in our lives for ourselves is yes, if only we are willing to claim it as out own.
There is no question that I was always one of those people that worried about everything. I have a bit of an obsessive compulsive disorder where everything has to be perfect and in order. It comes in handy in terms of organization skills. However, it is quite taxing when it infiltrates every part of your life. I question if the pictures are straight, whether there is order to the layout of the furniture, if things match, and the list goes on. It was only the past couple of years that I realized how much pressure that was putting on me and my life as a whole.
My infatuation with perfection was getting to a point where it was causing unneeded stress in every aspect of my life. Unpleasant situations in which I found myself, became opportunities for inner turmoil that would, in some cases, last for days. I knew that something needed to change. Either I could continue my life like this or I could do something about it. I chose the latter.
Growing up in the church I was very familiar with prayer. Although I had heard about meditation, it wasn’t something that I was familiar with and also something that I was really reluctant to try. However, I knew I had to do something. Continuing on this particular path for the second half of my life was not a choice.
One of my colleagues at work, who now happens to be my boss, suggested an app to try out called Headspace. At first it was difficult. It seemed almost impossible to get my mind to stop wandering and thinking about all that I needed to do, or things that may be going on. What I quickly learned was that practice was the key. Repetition and motivation quickly became my mantra, as I slowly integrated meditation into my life. They say that it takes an average of 66 days for a new behavior to become automatic. That is about the time it took for me.
The best way that I could incorporate meditation into my routine was right after my four day a week work outs, first thing in the morning. As soon as I am finished, I go into the pool, put on one of my meditation apps with spoken word or music, and zone into a time that belongs to no one but me. It allows me the time I need to center myself to get ready for my day and meet difficult situations in a way that I had not previously experienced. For those moments, I don’t have to worry about anything but the peace and tranquility that I am experiencing. I don’t owe anyone anything and I am able to focus on gratitude, inner calmness and all the things I need to make me a better person.
Many people think that you choose to meditate because you are part of a certain religion or cult. That could not be further from the truth. Meditation does not replace prayer, it supplements it. As a matter of fact the two can be combined. As powerful as prayer is, so is meditation in getting you connected to your inner self and learning tips and tricks to bring calmness to your life, in ways you could not have imagined. Eventually, those things that brought negativity to your life either lessen or no longer matter. Meditation helps us understand who we are, why we do the things we do, and alter course to become the person we want to be.
Imagine a world where we were not judged by the color of our skin, religion, political affiliation, orientation or way of life. A world where everything we do is for the betterment of the common person and we as a collective society. Even a world where a sense of entitlement doesn’t exist. We do what we can to make the lives of our fellow person better, all while living in our own world with a sense of fulfillment and wonder at this beautiful life that we have been given.
While that may not be our current environment, all it takes is each of us living our truth to begin to bring that world to reality. I recently went through a diversity training at work. It was probably one of the best I had ever been through, put on by the Pillsbury Theatre Group. When I watched the acting that was taking place on the screen, I cried. I saw people I knew and even myself in scenarios that I have seen and experienced that were so unnecessary. The different scenes highlighted situations that I may not even had previously considered offensive to those around me. They made me realize that I have unwittingly participated in bias, without even realizing it. That is not how I was raised.
From an early age my brother and I were taught respect. While we didn’t have a lot, we never wanted for anything. We did fundraisers and other activities to help make others lives a little better. As I grew up and went out on my own into the world, that compassion always stayed with me. I always tried to remember those teachings of my youth, but that didn’t mean that bias didn’t find its way into my life, whether I realized it or not.
Never have we been more divided, biased and separated as a people and society, as we are in this particular time. With cell phones in hand, our every move is watched, recorded and often displayed on social media for the world to see. We see the best of humanity and more times than not, the worst of humanity. Our bias, whether subconscious or conscious, has reached a heightened level that has forced the need for us to look deep inside ourselves and determine who we are and who we want to be.
Maybe I am an optimist, but I have to believe that our current situation is reversible. However, for that to happen it has to start with us as individuals. We have to evaluate our own actions and the effect those actions are having on the behavior of those around us. Especially the younger generation who often learn by our example. When we start to realize, admit to, and own our own bias, we can begin the work that is necessary to change it. Our change is often contagious. One by one that change has the ability to transition ourselves, those around us, our communities and eventually our world.
Previously, I have written about the “power of we” and how coming together to do good deeds has the power to change the world. I would be remiss if I didn’t take the opportunity to share what has happened in the Bring Smiles to Seniors program and how “one card, one smile at a time” we are reminding seniors all across America and overseas that they are loved and matter.
In 2016, when I founded Bring Smiles to Seniors, I did so because when visiting my grandmother in her nursing home I saw many seniors who were lonely and neglected. I saw a need to bring some love and joy back into their lives and give them a reason to believe that they still mattered and were not forgotten. Starting with my grandmother’s senior community, we have grown to seek to deliver on that mission in all fifty states and even communities in the United Kingdom. Our main program in Florida, along with Diane who manages our Michigan program, coordinate deliveries to the United States senior communities. Our card angels Elaine, Geraldine and Clair handle our United Kingdom community deliveries. However, just sending cards to senior communities wasn’t enough.
Early on we added a home delivery program run by Renee who would ensure that seniors at home also received cards and other goodies. That quickly expanded as we took on Meals on Wheels programs run by Liane, who not only coordinates deliveries to programs all over the country, but makes the cards herself. Finally, our social media groups took on a life of their own with the creation of two private groups on our Facebook page. Lola’s Smile Bunch, named after my grandmother, sends out cards to thousands of seniors each and every month. Moderated by our card angels Dawn, Janet and Ellen, major coordination takes place to ensure that seniors on our lists receive multiple cards every month. Our second Bring Smiles to Seniors subgroup is moderated by Jocelyn and Anita and provides a community for all our card angels to share ideas, supplies and their beautiful card making techniques with each other. What has been the result of all this effort?
In the first four years of the program, Bring Smiles to Seniors delivered 138,630 cards. In 2020 alone, we have now delivered more cards than we did in the first four years combined at 139,282. We have provided an outlet for those who want to give back to be a part of our mission. Companies have used us for team building events. Schools work with us to remind children the importance of honoring our seniors. Civic groups participate to show seniors even more love.
When I started this program with my friend Linda in 2016, I said that I had a little dream that I hoped one day would become a very big reality. Because of each and every person that believes that seniors still matter, that dream has come true. Every day we work hard deliver on our mantra of “one card, one smile at a time”. Almost 278,000 smiles in time time this program has been in effect is the best confirmation that the “power of we” is alive and well.
In our current climate, as much as we want to, it is very difficult to focus on gratitude. We live in a divided country, neighbors and family no longer speak to each other, the news around us reminds us constantly of how dire things are,. All of this while we and our friends around the world face a pandemic no one thought possible. At times, it seems like we are all actors in a movie living in some alternate reality. When we think it can’t get any more weird, well….it does. More than ever we are left to tap into our inner strength, faith and compassion, just to ensure that we make it through another day.
However, the human spirit is a beautiful and wonderful thing. During these unprecedented times, we have found a way to tap into our compassion for our fellow persons and replace the angst and darkness of the outside world with love and caring that lies within each of us. In our darkest hour it becomes most necessary to focus on gratitude for that which is good, rather than that which is bad that surrounds us. I call it “baditude”.
A funny thing happens when we mentally express gratitude for those things that we have. As we start to count our blessings, one by one they fill our mental thoughts with the positive, which makes far less room for the negative to affect us. My friend Linda is so good at this. She gives thanks for the food that she eats, the beauty of a new day, her health, the gas in her car, the roof over her head, and the list goes on. When we give thanks and show gratitude for all that we touch and have, our ability to shut out the negative around us starts to expand considerably.
When we are in the mire of bad situations, it becomes very difficult to get ourselves out of it. It’s much easier to wallow in self pity and maintain our “woe is me” attitude in those moments, than to force ourselves to think positively and attempt to bring ourselves out of what we are feeling. However, baby steps often lead to bigger steps that, if we allow it, lead us to running towards a brighter outlook that can greatly enhance our well being, and even our lives. Focusing on gratitude can make “baditude” a thing of the past, if only we take the time to do it.
For many of us, these times that we face are causing us to reevaluate our lives and find ways to draw on the inner strength that we possess, in ways that we would not have thought necessary. In an effort to keep the negativity around us from infiltrating the journey of our life path, we find ourselves making alterations to a life that we previously thought “normal”. While those alterations may get us through the moment, what we don’t realize is that they are helping us build a new foundation for how we deal with that which is to come. We are finding new ways to cope, motivate, navigate and live.
They say that life will never deal us more than we can handle at any given time. In some ways I believe that. But it doesn’t mean that we are not often dealt a hand that seems impossible at the time we are going through it. Losing a loved one, a job, security or a sense of self worth, in a time when it could have been prevented or was unnecessary, can easily take us to a dark place that seems to be all encompassing. Yet, somehow we find the inner strength to get us through. We are often aided by those around us and sometimes by finding that which is deep within us that we didn’t even know was there.
We are a resilient people. In times of adversity, we find solace in those near, draw on the wisdom of those that came before us, and harness the strength that lies within us. When we think it most impossible, it suddenly becomes possible as we maneuver that which we are facing. When we start to harness that collective power of the individual and combine it with the power in those around us, the “power of we” becomes evident and we are able to change not only ourselves, but the world as well.
It is often difficult to see the dawn through the storm, the forest through the trees, but they are there. Because of the strength that we possess, even if we don’t realize we have it at the time, the storm eventually clears and the forest become visible. Each and every one of those experiences are what makes us stronger and provides us an additional piece of the map that we use to guide our life path. We are amazing people and our power and ingenuity are endless, if only we believe that no matter how hard it gets, we are worth the work and effort needed to get to the other side. Our inner strength is one of the most powerful tools we have to navigate life events. When we harness its power in all its might, only then can we make life as full as it was meant to be.
It has been a while since I have put fingers to the keys, which is surprising for someone who loves to write. I tried several times, but every time I did so, the heaviness of the world seem to hold me back. As I attempted to put the “positive on paper”, I found myself reaching for just the right thing to say, in a world that has made it more difficult to express how you feel without offending someone. As I thought about it more, I began to realize that expressing yourself is part of who you are. You may not always say the right thing, in the right way. However, if you are true to yourself and your beliefs, while respecting that others may have a differing view, then that is the best that you can do.
For most of us, 2020 seems to be a year where we are living in some alternate reality. We have struggled to find our new normal while attempting to have pieces of our life go on in ways that made us comfortable and secure. Dining out has been replaced with dining in. Going to movies has been replaced with watching them on television. Going to church has been replaced with watching live streams. Traveling has been replaced with perusing through old photos and taking “memory trips”. While we all know that the situation is temporary, experiencing it in real time has been quite an adjustment for those who have been following the rules and doing what we are supposed to do to keep ourselves and our families safe.
My hope was that this experience would be that which made us all closer and kinder. In a way it has. We have found ways to reconnect with those of our past as well as those in our present, in ways that we would have never imagined. Seeing someone we have been missing on a Zoom call fills the void that we felt when they were removed from our lives. Parking lot social distance tailgating and visits across the lawn have helped us feel that sense of normalcy that we all seem to crave.
For all the unpleasantness that 2020 has brought, there have been good things that have come out of it as well. We have spent less, cared more and found our creative side that had been replaced by technology. We are once again learning to actually have a conversation with each other, sit together at the dinner table and rekindle our relationships that may have gotten stagnant. We have found a way to keep a sense of hope and optimism in a world that has made it harder to do so. Many have even embarked on a journey of self discovery that is very likely to change the person we were into the person that we always wanted to be.
On December 31st, the clock will strike twelve, and a new year will usher in. As we continue to deal with that which is around us, much of what we experienced in 2020 will carry into the new year for a period of time. However, if we muster the compassion and willingness to do what is right for the population as a whole rather than we as an individual, we will come out the other side a better person, a better society and a better world.
In some of my previous writings, I have said that one of my favorite times of the day is when I go to bed at night. Not that I am trying to escape from the day, but because it is my time to contemplate on my life and where I want it to go. To focus on my dreams, desires and work on the adjustments that I need to make in my life path to see those dreams come to reality. That allows me the opportunity to go to sleep and wake up with a purpose when I begin my new day.
With the sunrise, comes the time for me to put my plans that I have formulated the night before into action. Step by step, I begin to enact the behaviors necessary to ensure that I put plans in place that are necessary to see my dreams and aspirations come true. This doesn’t mean that I am always successful. However, if I use the failures as stepping stones to necessary alterations, it is easier to course correct and get back on the path to that which I desire.
We often give up on our dreams because they do not materialize in the time frames we desire. Dreams often come true because we are willing to put in the work and follow the necessary path that will eventually make them reality. Impatience, lack of will and determination are often why achievement of our dreams fail. Understanding that there are a myriad of reasons why our time frame may be faulty, helps us have the patience we need to see our path to dream realization more clearly.
When we have purpose and passion for that which we desire, we arm ourselves with the tools that we need to be successful. Make a plan, be open to course corrections, solicit help from those that are willing to give it, and be all in. Understand your purpose with clarity and never allow yourself to believe that your dream is impossible. With faith, diligence, desire and passion, all things are possible if we just believe and are willing to put in the work necessary for success.